CELEB SPLITS BOUND TO HAPPEN IN 2016

Summer 2015 was the season of shocking celebrity splits. Blake and Miranda. Gavin and Gwen. Chad and Avril. Kaley and Ryan. And of course, the mother of all splits: Ben and Jennifer. It’s enough to make you cry that “Love is dead.” Breakups can be contagious, so we’re thinking that these celeb relationships and romances might very well be doomed in 2016.

JOE JONAS AND GIGI HADID

(UPDATE: In November 2015, Gigi and Jojo went bye-bye. So yeah, we basically predicted the future. Pay attention kids, school is in session.)

The Jonas Brothers singer and the up and coming supermodel have been dating for all of five minutes —actually since earlier in the summer of 2015, after she split with singer Cody Simpson. So if this unfairly good-looking and talented young couple splits, we’re sure both would find the strength to go on. But those individual qualities are likely the reasons they won’t last. Both can have their pick of partners in Hollywood and have burgeoning careers—her more so than him, which could lead to strife, jealousy, less time together, and ultimately a separation. Her runway career shows zero signs of slowing down and could pull her in a different direction, thus sinking the romance. He dates supermodels like it’s his birthright, so he’d rebound with Karlie Kloss or Cara Delevingne in no time.

JOEL MADDEN AND NICOLE RICHIE

The Good Charlotte singer and the former celebutante have been together since 2006 and married since 2010. That’s forever in celeb years. They also have two kids. Yet the Maddens have been dogged by split speculation for the entirety of their relationship, with recent rumors ramping up in the summer of 2015 as reported by Page Six and Radar Online. Joel’s twin brother and bandmate Benji, who is married to Cameron Diaz, insisted that the duo is just fine and “really happy,” according to The Daily Mail. However, one can’t help think that where there’s smoke, there’s an inferno. A decade is a long time together for any couple, especially a celeb pairing. Which means it’s high time for a split.

JOHNNY DEPP AND AMBER HEARD

The married actors have a pretty decent-sized age difference. They are 23 years apart and have booming box office careers. Their relationship seems super passionate. But they are constantly plagued by split rumors. It wouldn’t shock us if the duo grew apart not because they have decades between their ages but because they were too busy working and not spending enough time together.

JUSTIN BIEBER AND SELENA GOMEZ

Okay: we know these two are not currently together, at least in a romantic sense. Gomez confirmed that they are just friends in her recent ELLE cover story. But given Jelena’s on-off, on-off history and the fact that they can’t seem to extricate themselves from the relationship completely, we can confidently predict that they will get back together once or twice for a hot minute sometime between now and 2016. The Internet will break due to excitement over the reunion and gossip media will fan the flames. And then, as quickly as it was brought back from the dead, the romance will once again die. It’s how Jelena rolls.

KANYE WEST AND KIM KARDASHIAN

Come on! You knew Kimye would make this list! But they did with a unique twist. They are expecting their second child, appear to be genuinely in love, and lead the perfect life. Perhaps things are a little too perfect? Nah. Their love seems super real. But perhaps they might need to stage a faux or temporary split to boost ratings on one of the many Kardashian reality shows? Kim does everything for the camera, and we do mean everything, so why not fake a breakup? It wouldn’t be the most unheard of thing in the world. Maybe we just gave her an idea.

TOM BRADY AND GISELE BUNDCHEN

The quarterback and the supermodel seem like the perfect couple on the surface. Rich, good-looking, two cute kids, loads of success. Who wouldn’t want to be either of ‘em? But this summer, rumors swirled that his “Deflategate” football scandal was putting crushing pressure on the marriage, with reports of Brady allegedly lashing out at his wife due to the weight of his professional frustrations. During a mid-scandal radio interview, Brady denied the drama and labeled their relationship “incredible” and “in a great place.” Was this a case where the QB doth protest too much? Maybe. Maybe not.

CALVIN HARRIS AND TAYLOR SWIFT

The Scottish DJ seems to be Swift’s longest suitor. He is talented and handsome. But she is Taylor Swift, the queen of the unlucky-in-love, single gal contingent. She’s going to need to start working on the follow-up to the wildly successful 1989 album soon and we all know she makes her best music when she’s miserable over men. Her fans are going to need empowering breakup songs, not sappy love ballads about how great things are going. That’s the pop music Ambien. We want tales of heartbreak and survival woven from experience so we can feel like Tay Tay really is one for the people, of the people, and by the people. She is going to need a source of inspo and a breakup with Harris will be just that. So, yeah, this is wishful thinking on our part, but for the sake of art! Good songs will be the result, so it’s totally okay. Right?